Last night one of my teeth broke from eating toffee peanuts. I was balling my eyes out so hard. So much money invested into my teeth. Mouth surgery and over two years with braces!!! I had to wear stupid rubber bands all the time and was always in pain from the pressure. I take damn good care of my teeth so I really don’t understand why this had to happen?! All offices are closed until Tuesday which doesn’t help. AND I’ve procrastinated on taking care of my dental paperwork for the military. FUUUUUUU. Reality check for me that I should have stayed on top of my dental visits.
But then I thought about my Tata in the Philippines. He slowly lost most of his teeth because when he was a fisherman, he would use his teeth to cut the lines. He fished to have money for formulas when I was a baby. So why the fuck am I crying about one tooth when he’s had to live with only 3 or 4 teeth in his entire mouth for I don’t know how long. Truthfully I didn’t know it had gotten that bad. But when I sent my family money on New Year’s, my aunt told me how absolutely ECSTATIC he was because he only had a few teeth left. $300 for a smile… I’m disappointed in myself because of how long I had put off sending that help he needed.
I always find myself wishing I was a millionaire so my family wouldn’t have to go so long without their NECESSITIES. But I’m only one person. Now my mom… she does so much. She sacrifices so much to help out back home. She has zero money saved for herself. She’s had the same couch since I was 10. She still lives in an apartment and can’t afford a house. She sends probably 40% of her monthly income back home. But what can she do? My grandparents are diabetic and will die without medicine and food money. And our family has no one else to rely on. Mind you, they’re not the kind of family that takes advantage of us and milks us. They’re kind, caring, and humble. They never ask me for anything, even when they really need something.
I’ve fucked up all my opportunities here in America. Like if I traded places with any of my cousins, they would make better use of the resources I have… probably would be in medical school or something. They’re so motivated and I lack the drive that they possess. While I’m in the “land of opportunities” dicking around, they’re in a third world country getting their degree. I don’t deserve the good fortune I was blessed with, my family should be in my shoes and I in theirs.
I really hope to go to school soon. I need to jump start on my career so I can return all the love my family ever gave to me.
